Discernment, Judgment, Conviction and Certainty

In the past week, I’ve read two things that have given me something to really wrestle with, both personally and professionally.  The first, Letting Go of Judging, is from a newsletter I read from time to time called zenhabits.  The second, and far more serious, came from my sister who passed along a must-read New York Times piece entitled The Danger of Certainty.  Although it’s based on a television series from 40 years ago, it sounds more than ever like an antidote to much of what troubles our society today.

These articles reminded me how little energy it takes for me to judge other people.  I know there are good evolutionary reasons for snap judgments, (see Malcolm Gladwell’s “Blink” for more), that for many thousands of years, and even today, help us stay out of danger, form friendships, hire people and, more mundanely, decide who to to talk to in that awkward moment when a person sits down next to you on the plane.  It’s mostly automatic and requires little thought on my part.  Phrases like “he’s fat,” “she’s crazy,” “they have a terrible relationship,” “young people are lazy,” “older people are slow” and “they are narrow minded” can all happen on just the drive to work in the morning!  But because that judgment is practically automatic doesn’t mean it’s not corrosive. Chick Fil A made a training video a few years ago called Every Life Has A Story. This video always drives the point home for me.  There’s simply no way to know why people are where they are unless you get to know them and truly listen to them.  The short cuts we have for putting people into categories might help us navigate our daily lives, but it doesn’t help us make real human connections.

So while I have the zenhabits post rolling around in my head, my sister sends an email with the New York Times link.  She works for a large global company focused on diversity and inclusion.  So when she takes the time to forward a “heavy” article, I pay attention.  I won’t try to summarize the article, as you would be better off reading it in its entirety.  But coupled with “judging” I really have not stopped thinking about the equally poisonous feeling of certainty.  Certainty feels good. It simplifies a complicated world and makes it easier to be a member of whatever “tribe” shares that certainty.  Certainty then leads quickly to judgment and judgment often leads to outcomes optimized for the “certain” group at the expense of anyone who doesn’t share that world view.  That leads to conflict and the spiral continues.

However, there’s an important difference for me between certainty and conviction.  I have a strong conviction about the work we do at Soles4Souls. I believe our approach to helping people with short term poverty relief and long term poverty fighting through micro enterprise is unique and powerful.  Every day I and the team here put our heart and soul into reaching more people in that fight.  But I’m not certain that it’s the best or only way.  To me, believing our way is THE way would close off chances to learn, partner, grow and connect with those who support our work as well as those we work with directly.  My issue doesn’t reach the level of the man in the New York Times article who lost his family at Auschwitz.  But I know that whenever I act as if I know I’m right, when I have the answer, my world is not as rich and connected as it could be.

As the zenhabits article suggests, I don’t think I can stop judging.  It’s hard-wired into us as human, social animals.  But I can be more aware of that tendency and examine those judgments to see what they reveal about myself, rather than the person or situation I’m judging.  If I can do that more consistently, I certainly will be better off.